Wonder as I Wander

bah!

2009-02-26T18:23:00.000-08:00

so i suck at blogging lately.

i know you are all anxiously awaiting an update on my life.... maybe.

soon. promise.

peace & love.

starbucks life.

2009-01-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

disclaimer: I do not like starbucks, their coffee is just plain not that great. My new love is peet's, however... the chonga bagel... heaven. :)

One of the great things I love about the PCC sylvania campus is that it is 5 wonderful minutes from multnomah village. I LOVE the village. I sit here in the village starbucks with my tall drip with hazelnut and cream more often these days due to the hour-ish break between classes on thursdays. It is a fantastic place to people watch. The village is a vast accumulation of all the peoples of portland and whether we like it or not, starbucks is the epitome of that.

The two women in front of me love Jesus, but they forget to pick up their fairly large amount of trash before they leave. By the window overlooking the main street, a woman on the phone discusses the meaning of life. A cute group of old guys just walked in with canes and windbreakers in hand and it is joyful because the bright sun that makes this january day so perfect, is beating down warmth upon my back.

Next to me a blond woman in a fashionably adorable red jacket is contemplating the purchase of a travel mug. A mug which i imagine she will fill with a skinny vanilla latte. Two children (toddlers! my favorite!) have now occupied the shrunken table behind me. The woman with them, I assume is their mother, is young.... very young...maybe a nanny?

A hip portland couple walked in...
...you know the ones I mean.

The mom/nanny buys a tall drip refill...toddlers require copious amounts of energy. I know how she feels.

I get up, and walk out. Filled with sunny joy and caffeine, waving to one of the toddlers staring at my with intense wonder and curiosity.

Time for chemistry.

peace and love friends,
jess

wonder as I wander.

2009-01-13T21:18:00.000-08:00

Hello all of you in the vast online world. I have at least one point to this post, perhaps more, it usually progresses farther than I originally intended. But first, a change, disclaimer if you will...

I have change the name of my blog. It is now "Wonder as I wander" giving full credit to Josh White and the people at solid rock. I feel it is appropriate. To wander in search of God, in search of faith. I hope that you can join me.

Now, my story.

Whenever you are driving down a road, do you ever see some car that catches your attention? Has some sort of sticker, or obvious quirk that sets it apart? And after seeing said car, continue to see it throughout the next days or even weeks? This indeed happened to me this morning. Maybe I am just weird. Usually I would blame it on the fact that I consider myself an "observer" of people. It might just be the word I use to make myself feel less like a creeper when I watch people (I promise I am not trying to be creepy), but I think that this happens to people that are not just me. Now this may not have a whole lot of significance, and you may in fact be thinking.... "and the point is?"... I have one, I swear. And here it is. Do you ever wonder about the people that you come across when you are just living your daily life? the woman with the kids at target, the guy in the car next to you? Do you ever think about how often you come in contact with this complete stranger without even realizing it? I have been thinking about this more recently. About how we might notice one person, but not the other. The more I think about it, the more amazed I get at how interesting life is, and how absolutely mysterious God is. I have decided that it is a gift to God to notice these people. Whether it be a gift to us, to them, or perhaps both. Either way, I take notice in the people I notice now, and I pray for them. It is really all we can do without knowing anything about them, who they are or what they are going through in that very moment.

So what should you take away from this?
Notice.
Love.
Pray.

that is really all we can do. for now.

peace and love friends.
jess

Just in case...

2009-01-12T15:39:00.001-08:00

Well folks, in case you haven't heard, it is a brand new year. Welcome 2009!
Most of the new year's blogs are recaps of the last year and resolutions for the one upon us. Honestly, I did nothing all that exciting this year that you who are reading this don't already know about and I don't make resolutions... I make goals (they are different, I don't care what you say). All that really matters is that each year, you grow in someone better than you were the year before. You make things count.

Keep that in mind :)

peace and love friends.
jess

noel. part II.

2008-12-08T22:22:00.000-08:00

watch this:

go here:
http://adventconspiracy.org/

one small step...

2008-12-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

to world peace :)

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (CNN) -- Pakistan is continuing to conduct raids on targets linked to the outlawed group that India blames for last month's massacre in Mumbai.

Indian authorities say the sole surviving gunman from the attacks claimed he was trained by Lashkar-e-Tayyiba.

Raids took place Sunday near Muzaffarabad, the capital of Pakistani-controlled Kashmir, the sources said.

A Pakistani military official said 15 people were arrested in the raid but he would not identify any of the suspects until the preliminary investigation has concluded.

Look a these countries! All grown up and cooperating!!

...so proud!

please continue to pray for those suffering from the Attacks in Mumbai.

peace and love friends!

noel.

2008-12-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming incredibly fast, it is just around the corner and if not currently, than soon to be on all our minds. I have been trying throughout the last couple years to make my Christmas more sustainable. More “green” for lack of a better word.

There is a really good website if you would like to know how I am planning on doing this:

http://www.eartheasy.com/give_sustainchristmas.htm

But really, it means… I am knitting. A lot! Making scarves for cousins, potholders for grandmas, canvas bags for others, basically anything that I can make myself is one less thing that I have to buy from a store. I am trying to make all of my Christmas cards, to which some of you will see examples when you get one in the mail. These kinds of things are important, and I think are small steps we can do for the big picture in trying to make our world a better place in the future.

Think about it!

peace and love.

obsession.

2008-12-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

so i have this slight obsession with books. even though i rarely have time to read, as much as i love it. one of my favorite things is independent used book stores (think powells in a 20×20 room), especially the ones that have dollar piles. it’s like a treasure hunt. in a small book store in sheridan one april afternoon this year i found a tolstoy book for .75 cents. it made my heart very happy. i have this horrible habit of starting like 3 or 4 books and taking FOREVER to finish any of them. The current ones i have started are:

Three Cups of Tea

Tolstoy on civil disobdience and non-violence

out of the silent planet

paradise lost

all of which are mostly dense readings. i also have my list of ones i want to read for the first (or eleventh) time. and my list of those books that i have yet to get my hands on. i can honestly say that i have read maybe half of the books currently on my shelves. which is slightly sad when i think about the amount. so yeah… long story short, my goal is to read more.

you should too. we can read together under a tree :)

peace and love.

expectation.

2008-11-30T11:13:00.000-08:00

“working” in the ministry, at a church, means that i am an employee of God. sometimes… i forget this. i find myself every sunday driving to church thinking about, whether my preschoolers have snacks, or if all of my teachers are going to show up, or think about all of the copies i have to make in the fifteen minutes before service starts. i do not come to church, i come to work. during the week, if i meet a new person and start talking about the usual things, school, status and occupation, i try not to say that i work at a church, because it really isn’t work. it’s passion. it’s God.

i forget to come, with the expectation of meeting Christ. i don’t think about the worship i will experience if i by chance get an opportunity to attend service, i do not think about how our pastor’s sermon will affect my day or week, and how God will affect my life. I need to come with exectation. And I need to come with hope... because hope is the absolute expectation of coming good.

peace and love to you.

twelve.

2008-10-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

my new favorite song right now:

be here now- ray lamontagne

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

eleven.

2008-09-29T12:36:00.001-07:00

happiness.
is what i am doing right now.

it is one of the last warm days before fall, and i am taking advantage.
sitting outside of a coffee shop that i rode my bike too. barefoot and drinking copious amounts of coffee. reading ancient english literature. it really does not get much better than this.

this post has no point, but really, neither does this blog. :)

love you all,
peace and joy to you.
jess

ten.

2008-09-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

de·vo·tion
–noun
1. profound dedication; consecration.
2. earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.
—Synonyms 2. zeal, ardor. See love.

there is this church. I work at this church, or realistically, I teach and I learn at this church. What I do does not seem like a job. I have dance parties, play with play-doh, become the lava monster, and I have the opportunity to see the face of God in so many beautiful children. As we speak I can hear them down each end of the hall. A pre-schooler who I love dearly (not that I don't love all of them dearly) made my morning with the gasp of excitement and a running tackle of love. This is why what I do is not work. However, this is nowhere near my point. As you have seen above, this is about devotion. There are 4 key values that our church has been striving to achieve as of lately. Devotion is the last one on the sermon list (certainly not least of course) but it is placed on the list with things of equally great importance. Worship, Community and Serving. Devotion, being in the word, is probably the value and spiritual discipline that I struggle most with. How convenient that just yesterday I started my first devotional. My life has been changing significantly these past couple months, going to places that are so far from the heart of God, it has been a constant prayer that I would be stronger in my faith to stay close to God through these changes. Of course God has been more faithful than I ever could have imagine. Devotion is something I have been working on and feel that (although I will always be deepening my faith) this might be what makes my faith mature.

This last week I had a conversation with a very dear friend of mine who I had not seen since she got married in July. It started out as just a normal coffee date... "how has school been?" "what's new?"... you know... as we sat there in a nearly empty cottage, we began to talk about faith. We asked questions of each other, her being a life long Christian and myself only about 5 years. I am constantly curious to know what it would have been like to grow up in a Christian home to know the stories from practically infancy. I learned the entire story of Jonah from seeing the veggietales movie in high school. My faith is a mis-matched tapestry of so many denominations and influences throughout the past five years. She asked me about my views, and how they differed from people my age who grew up in Christian households. And I think they are different, not that I am more open minded or more liberal, although I think i am compared to some. But that, in not nessisarily a bad way, it might be harder for people who learn about God in their adult life to see or hear him because they have gone so long without Him. This is why devotion is important, I am learning to see and hear God, what He wants for me and my life, and how He wants me to glorify Him. I may not be close, but I striving and learning to have a profound dedication to the creator of my life.

nine.

2008-09-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

this is me...
(dancing in the car... to the pussycat dolls.)

I am a complete and total dork.

there is a point to this i swear...

so today i was watching tv and this dove commercial came on. maybe you've see it. a little girl overwhelmed by a world of advertisements with unnaturally skinny girls. the commercial is for a workshop to show girls how beautiful they are and how to love themselves. so i decided in the most least conceded way possible to tell you what i love about myself. so here it is.

as previously stated (see above), i am a dork, all the time. if you ever think i am normal. wait about 30 seconds.
i love that sometimes, without people realizing it, I am really like dark and twisty inside (grey's anatomy reference) and they i can be completely filled with joy in a matter of a second. (and yes... i think that this might make me emo.)
i love that i am the epitome of portland oregon. (and that i spelled epitome right on the first try)
i love that i am addicted to coffee.
that i am mysterious, and that maybe only one human being knows anything close to everything about me. (love you laura!)
that God has set me apart :)
i absolutely love that i can relate better to a 4 year old that to people my own age.
that i am learning to seize the opportunities in life that God gives me, both big and small.
sometimes, i am a little sketchy.

...basically, God made me the way I am, and I could be happier. I may still be learning to love all my little quirks, but they are me, in every way, shape and form.

you should love yourself too.
<3

eight.

2008-09-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

I do realize that it has been quite a while since my last post. An entire summer vacation in fact since the last post was my last day at fox and I am starting class this tuesday. You would think that I could just go on and on about the wonderful adventures that I have experience this summer, but looking back I am not sure that there is all that many. There have been things happening both good and bad, as well as more than anything numerous things learned (that i consider myself still learning about). I am not even sure that I know where to start, so for the sake of organization, i will start at the beginning.

May:
Moving back home was hard, I wasn't sure when I was going to be able to leave again, and since my family drives me a little bit nuts, I was needless to say concerned. But, moving home was my only option so I did it. The first couple weeks of being at home was so incredibly stressful, not with my family really but knowing that I wasn't going to go back to Fox and figuring out how to tell them that was a different story. It also meant I had to figure out something else to do this next year which was a little bit of an unfamiliar thought. It was not easy having the conversation with my mom, some people would think I was throwing away the past three years of my life. That was not how I saw it. The past three years at fox has made me the person I am today and I would not have traded it for anything. It was decided that I would start at PCC this coming school year, and so we began the process.

June:
I, in all complete honesty, do not remember much about the month of June. It seem to go by so fast. My friends were all home from school now and this meant I was never home. Thus, very little drama. All I really remember is that I spent an entire day with laura driving up and down the oregon/washington coast and it was heaven. Also, tilikum. Enough said.

July:
July began with the 4th in St.Paul. For those of you that don't know, I work in St.Paul, and they have a big rodeo every year on the fourth. I had been planning on quitting my job there for a couple months, but I decided to do it after the fourth since it is our biggest business day of the year (ps. as of now i still work there, but i am being worked out). it was a really exciting day and an awesome way to kick off the month. July also meant middle school camp. I LOVED my middle schoolers and it gave me a chance to start reconnecting with some of the people at my home church. It has become very important to me to do this because they are a part of my family. I am going from living with Christian roommates and attending a Christian School, to living with my agnostic parents and going to a very secular PCC. It is a little bit of a scary thought. But anyways, the girls in my cabin at camp were absolutely amazing and I love being able to see them around. They are going though so much stuff in there lives that 13 year old girls should not have to deal with and it breaks my heart. This month was also when I started working more on my photography, starting with Laura. It is definitely something I want to continue doing.

August:
oh dear me. All summer there has been so much drama in my extended family, and being as I live 200 miles away, I only get to hear about it and not see it. That changes in August. The second week in august is always the Douglas County Fair, and it is always a family event. With cousins in 4-H (Which I did till late high school) we get to stay at the fair all week. It is actually pretty fun, the cold (if any) showers, the massive amount of bad food, and the smells of all the animals. I pretty much live for it. And as much as my family and I don't see eye to eye, I love them and love being able to spend more than a day or so with them. It was a little dramatic, but I won't bore you with details. I spent most of the time with my cousin and her husband (which is totally exciting all on it's own, cause she is pregnant, and due on my birthday, and we are close so it makes me practically an aunt!). yeah, so august = drama. Not to mention it being super hard. Starting in the middle of august all of my friends started going back to school, including everyone at fox, which was probably the first time I was a little sad I was not going back. It also made me realize that I don't really have a life or many friends in beaverton. My life, for the past three years, has been in newberg. And still very much is. But I have been making some new friends and they are all pretty awesome! Another august event was the Luis Palau festival, it was massive and you all know about it, but I think God really began something in me that weekend. Not at the festival, but in a woman named susan that I met late at night after the festival was over. She was homeless and deaf, but such the sweetest woman ever. She wanted to know Jesus. God has been working in me so much this summer, teaching me to trust in Him, which has been so important just in these last couple weeks.

September:
I realize this is getting long, so if you decided to skim, this is probably the most important month (FYI). This has been the hardest month in a really long time. If ever. And it isn't even over yet. I have never constantly prayed so much in my life. But there has been so much that I have needed to give to God and it still continually surprises me how faithful He is (because being Human and broken, I apparently don't learn the first time). He has been there through my relationship with my family and others, and through my brother starting college (He moved to PSU yesterday.... yikes!). He has been with me through tragedy after tragedy and even in my own stupid mistakes. Right now, I think He is guiding me to India. I am not positive, but God seems to be taking care of everything that would be holding me back (funny how that happens when you are supposed to do something). I continue to learn more and more about Him everyday, and that gives me a shining moment of peace in a whirlwind of Chaos. Even if sometimes the Chaos is a little fun.

Hopefully, I will remember to keep whoever reads this updated. But updating to no one is fine too. Sometimes I think this is more for me than anything. Things should be getting even more interesting. But I'll let you know.

Peace and blessings.
Jess

seven.

2008-04-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

utopia? maybe.

six. a reflection of a year gone by.

2008-04-24T01:32:00.000-07:00

a year has gone by

and people are leaving

off to go fly

and discover new meaning

we look to the sky

and listen for leaning

as we desperately try

to never stop ceasing

our minds now seem bigger

and our cohorts have grown

yet our feelings won't trigger

anything but a groan

the ones that we love

now leave us with future

take flight like a dove

and a need to go nurture

struggles we have faced

seem to fade in the darkness

in this life so fast paced

we question our lostness

all yearn for you near

we step on paths laid out

we do not however fear

with you there is no doubt.

five. revisited.

2008-04-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

revisited. my last post. i knew as soon as i posted it, that i would regret it. and i did, even as soon as an hour later i looked back and realized that all of that frustration is not necessary in that form. i believe what i meant was this... i yearn to be with the broken, God's children, those hungry and oppressed. i want to love. i just don't feel like where i need to be is here, but i am not in as huge of a hurry as i seem to leave. eventually though, i will wander to his people. or maybe they will find me?

four.

2008-01-30T23:40:00.000-08:00

so... update? i'm not sure there is a need for one, but it has been a while since i have posted so i'll give it a shot.

1. i have no life, being a full time student with two jobs will do that to you

thus 2. i do not feel like i am saving the world, which is pretty much my most important life goals (out of many)

3. i am not going to thailand

4. i am, however, going to malawi (that's in africa...yes i have had some people ask)

5. as of last friday i am now 21 years old and i have still not have had alcohol... now mostly just to drive people nuts

6. barack obama... need i say more?

7. i am also going to mexico, for spring break... how college of me? yeah right.

8. I may have narrowed down my future plausible careers to politics or economics... but i am me, therefore i guarantee you it will change

i am sure there would be more updates to think of, but as of late my mind stops working after 10 pm, oh well.

peace friends. happy 2008

Three.

2007-10-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And the light's always red in the rear-view

Desperately close to a coffin of hope

I'd cheat destiny just to be near you

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up

On love, On love

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus

'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love

I'm just falling to pieces

And if this is giving up then I'm giving up

If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up

On love, On love

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love

When all my resistance will never be distance enough

Driving away from the wreck of the day

And it's finally quiet in my head

Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed

And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up

On love, On love

Wreck of the Day- Anna Nalick

Two and Two Thirds.

2007-10-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

This is the pond at the Abbey in Lafyette, Oregon. I was there on Friday morning with a friend and after a little exploring and about an hour of hiking on the trails I basically decided that I am in love with this place.

Two and a Third.

2007-10-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

Half Handed Cloud is amazing! Basically we are a rainbow (in the words of candice...i didn't realize it until she said it but i did think we were unusually colorful)

Two.

2007-10-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to half handed cloud (or half headed clown) and it was amazing. That really is all there is too it, I don't need to say more. But I also saw Lake, who are also just fantastic, and I have no words.

Also yesterday Jaime, Candice and I went to powells before the concert started and I am so excited because I got a Merton book (jaime got a couple too and I am already half way done with one of them), also I got a couple of historical novels that tie into my history class (I have to read one of them for a assignment but I just haven't decided which yet... the one I am leaning towards is "The Agony and the ecstasy: Life of Michelangel0").

Side note: Right now I am at work and I can hear the preschool classroom down the hall and they are playing with musical instruments and lauging... so cute! it makes my heart warm.

P.S. as soon as my computer stops hating me, I want to put up some pictures... probably of hhc and the abbey I went to on friday (also amazing btw), but I will write more when I get the pictures up. i like trying to explain the beauty of God in nature with visuals :)

One.

2007-10-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

I have had these things running through my head, thoughts if you will, and i believe it is time to express them. I feel like they all interrelate.

Number One. 2 Corinthians 3:18
"And we all, with unveiled faces comtemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His image with everincreasing glory, which comes from the Lord who is the spirit."

There are two parts I like (hence the italics) and I think that they are worth pondering, if you so feel the need. Let me know what you think, I really have no idea.

Number Two. I heard at a sermon one little phrase that has really seemed to stick with me for a while now...

"hurt people, hurt people"

It is quite a simple thing, one that might require you to run it through your head a couple times, but simple none the less. No matter if you are the homeless guy on the corner or the senior pastor of a church. It shows our equality in the eyes of God.

Number Three. Sometimes you need to make things happen.